Big Changes!

You may have noticed over the past couple of days that I have made some big changes to my blog. I am very excited about the changes I am making and learning a lot about the behind the scenes aspect of blogging. The biggest changes so far are the title of my blog and the appearance. I have decided to change the title to something more fitting. As many of you know I started this blog when Charlie was 5 months old and given the events that have happened since then I really feel like life is a journey and we are learning to embrace each day. I also want to be able to share all different aspects of life with ya'll from blogs about faith to photography to FREE tutorials I am putting together to our daily triumphs and struggles. I have also figured out how to create pages so that everything will be nice and organized making navigation through my page easy and fun! :) It's a work in progress so bear with me.


Hope you will continue to follow our journey and share it with your friends and family.


Blessings,

I want, I need, I, I, I........

Many times throughout the day I found myself wanting or even longing for things that I don't have. This rage of envy has been a part of my life since...forever probably. Until this past week, I would find myself feeling envious of those around me.  I'm talking envious over the small things like the women who seem to have it all.

A little background: We recently moved from Jacksonville, Florida to Woodbury/Oakdale, Minnesota and the lifestyle difference is way more than I was prepared for. In Florida we lived near a Navy base (my husband is in the Navy) and we were surrounded by people that (for the most part) lived on the same lifestyle level as us. So when we found out we were moving we knew we wanted to be somewhere safe and family friendly. So we did our research and decided on Oakdale. We couldn't be happier with where we live and we have already made some of the sweetest and most amazing friends here. However, it was an adjustment for me in the beginning.

Please understand that I know and appreciate immensely how blessed I am that my husband is an excellent provider for our family and that I am able to stay home to raise our children with his blessing. All while still being able to save adequately and live a comfortable lifestyle.

With that said when we moved to our new area I began to notice that we were definitely in a whole new world. I began finding myself slightly envious of the general way of living in this area. The big houses with maids to go along with it, regular extravagant shopping sprees like they were nothing, etc. It actually got to the point where I was almost embarrassed to have people over to our house. We don't have a huge place but it's perfect for us - we loved it from the moment we saw pictures and still do. It's not shabby, dirty, or even out dated - an awesome rental. It isn't the typical Woodbury or Oakdale house though and that took me out of my comfort zone since we have always fit in. Then I snapped out of it and realized how blessed we truly are and it humbled me to come to this realization.

The reality of this is most likely all those people I was feeling envious of are probably feeling envious of others around them for one reason or another. (This kind of touches back on the Plan B entries I was writing about in that no one is living their perfect Plan A even if they appear to be on the outside.)

It's called discontentment and I am learning that it is built into our DNA. Even as the very first humans Adam and Eve were discontent and temptation to have what wasn't theirs took over. Even though they had the perfect life and had the perfect relationship with God they wanted the one and only thing that was forbidden from them.

In society today we are constantly bombarded with magazines, news reports, websites, etc. that suggest we need to be comparing ourselves to someone else at all times. Another example of discontentment is stuff. When do we reach the point where we realize and accept that we have enough? Our church recently went to Africa and while listening to some of the stories from the people who went I was heartbroken to hear about the people there and how little they truly have. Literally these people were wearing shirts that were torn or had holes in them. They couldn't change their clothes because that was the only shirt they had. Then I think about things like the Academy Awards (because it was on last night) and how everyone there is so concerned with fashion, what name they are wearing and how they look.

One of the things Jennie Allen (author of STUCK bible study we are reading) talks about is chasing the wind. I want to share a particular piece of what she says in her book. "Discontentment in the form of jealousy, comparison, and greed is making us sick. It washes over our minds constantly, and yet we are so accustomed to it, we have become numb - stuck. While we compare and long and wait and ask and save and spend and flaunt and pretend and cry and whine and tear down and puff up and stare and wish and ignore and complain and demand and search and find...we miss something...we miss the most important thing...maybe we miss the only thing."

Over the past week God has yet again stepped into my life to give me a reality check that I really needed through my amazing bible study group. Actually I think the events over my lifetime have been building up to give me this life altering revelation that has been placed in my view and I hope that I am able to touch others with this revelation or at least get some wheels turning and intrigue you to ask questions and then seek the answers. They are all there - in the bible.

I want to leave you with the powerful words from John 12:25. It says "Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life." 

The art of photography.

Photography has always intrigued me, mostly because of the amazing pictures I have seen some of my photography friends share. So, I have decided to dip my toe in, mostly because we didn't have many really amazing pictures of Charlie. The following pictures are from the past 2 days and they are completely unedited.

I would love to hear any feedback or advice from my fellow photography enthusiasts and professionals on what I am doing wrong. I can shoot any object that is still with no problem at all but when I have a moving target (ie: Cannon) 99% of the photo's are blurry or a part of them are blurry. I have a feeling this is the very reason photography is referred to as an art because getting that perfect shot is so difficult. However, if there are any tips from my fellow DSLR users I would greatly appreciate it. :)

All images shot with the Nikon D3100 18-55mm. I have the 55-200mm but haven't tried that one yet. Please keep in mind this is literally the first time I have ever even held a DSLR so I have pretty much no clue...yet. Seriously, I took 615 pictures and these are the "decent" ones. LOL

See the blur in his hand?

The slightest movement and he blurs...

I threw this one in even though the flash is on just because I love how much joy is on Cannon's face!



Lent.

Lent is what I would call an excellent opportunity to put yourself to the test. The ultimate test of allowing God to take control and work wonders in your life. Truly giving up something that is something you cannot live without and allowing God to fill that void - or hole if you have read my previous blogs - is the epitome of what I have been striving to do in my life and inspire each of you to do. The form of fasting that you choose can be anything that you really struggle without on a daily basis.

Tonight we attended the Ash Wednesday service at church and as we were walking down the isle to receive our cross of ashes I kept thinking about what I could give up that would be a real test for me. I had decided when I woke up this morning that I was going to give up ice cream. Now, that doesn't seem like much to some people probably but, ice cream is seriously one of my major weaknesses. So as we were in the car driving home we were talking about what each of us was giving up and my husband suggested giving up facebook. Now to some this may seem insignificant but to many people (especially in our generation - Generation Y) facebook is part of our daily routine...multiple times a day. With the access we have today to the Internet through our smart phones, wi-fi, lap tops, tablets, etc. it is amazing to me we get anything accomplished in our days. In fact I was literally just telling (more like crying) to Sean today that I get nothing done throughout the day - sadly I felt the reason was because of school and Cannon were so demanding. So I thought about that and went through my day and I realized Sean was on to something. I have become so engulfed in knowing what my 'friends' are up to that I literally would check my facebook several times a day. I tend to keep my 'friends' limited to people that I know on a personal level of some sort but most of the people on there I don't talk to on a regular basis. The amount of time I spent each time I checked my facebook was huge and definitely interfering in my day causing me to get caught up and distracted. Not to mention when someone says something ridiculous I would talk about it to Sean - as if it even really mattered in the scheme of life.

So...Sean and I have both decided that we will be giving up facebook and fast food (as part of our goal to get healthier) for lent. We both admittedly played on facebook this morning but after walking out of church this evening and having our discussion we deleted the facebook apps on our iPhone's and the iPad.  This is (sadly) going to be a long first week or so but I suspect that God will find amazing ways to step into our lives more and get us back on track and help us refocus our extra time and energy on His will.

I personally and so very excited about this and I am looking forward to what God has in store for us over the next several weeks, leading into the rest of our lives. :) I will still be sharing pictures and videos of Cannon on here so don't worry. Here are some pictures of our trip to Michigan this past week. Unfortunately Charlie's marker had a layer of very thick ice over it so we couldn't get any pictures of it but we did get pictures of Cannon with the flowers and teddy bear we brought for Char. We will be heading back up there this Spring and Summer and Fall etc. so eventually we will get some great pictures - hopefully.

Side note: It was a rainy, cloudy and dark day the day we went to see Charlie and literally, I kid you not, the moment we stepped out of the truck the sun came out over Charlie's grave. I was so overcome with peace and it blew me away. I of course still had many tears and still felt the sharp knife but I did not feel one bit of anger. It was so refreshing and something I have really struggled with in the past. I love and miss Charlie so much but somehow I am slowly starting to heal.

These are at the cottage.

This is the lake....it was my first time walking on water. ;)

Uncle John checking the tip-ups (ice fishing).

Cannon loving sledding!

His first 4 wheeling experience....he almost fell asleep sandwiched between us. LOL

Sean looks so skinny in this picture and I look so chunky with all my extra layers of clothes....and chins! Time to hit the gym - for real!

During the snow storm.

The next morning - so breathtakingly beautiful.

On our way to the Winter carnival.

Charlie or Cannon....it's Cannon.

What up?!...Go Blue!

Enjoying his first ever non pureed food! Lucky kid got some rice wafers...LOL

Doesn't he look enthusiastic?!

Full tummy and Daddy making him laugh...perfect day! :)



A letter from Heaven.

To my dearest family, some things I’d like to say,
But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay.
I’m writing this from Heaven, where I dwell with God above,
Where there are no tears or sadness, there is just eternal Love.

Please do not be unhappy, just because I’m out of sight,
Remember that I’m with you, every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you, when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me, and said, ” I welcome you”.

“It’s good to have you back again.
You were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they’ll be here later on.
I need you here so badly as part of my big plan.
There’s so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man”.

Then God gave me a list of things he wished for me to do.
And foremost on that list of mine, is to watch and care for you.
I will be beside you, every day of the week and year,
And when you’re sad I’m standing there, to wipe away the tear.

And when you lie in bed at night, the day’s chores put to flight,
God and I are closest to you in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on Earth, and all those loving years,
Because you’re only human, there’s bound to be some tears.

One thing is for certain, though my life on Earth is over,
I am closer to you now than I ever was before.
And to my many friends, trust God knows what is best.
I am not far away from you, I’m just beyond the crest.

There are rocky roads ahead for you and many hills to climb,
Together we can do it, taking one day at a time.
It was my philosophy and please I’d like for you,
To give unto the world, so the world will give to you.

If you can help someone who’s in sorrow or in pain,
Then you can say to God at night, my day was not in vain.
And now I am contented that my life it was worthwhile,
Knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

When you’re walking down the street and I am on your mind,
I’m walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind.
And when you feel a gentle breeze of wind upon your face,
That’s me giving you a great big hug, or just a s oft embrace.

When it’s time for you to go from that body to be free,
Remember you are not going, you are coming home to me.
I will always love you, from that place way up above,
I will be in touch again soon.
P.S. God sends his love.

~ Unknown

Life hurts…faith heals.

I have been reading this amazing book written by Pete Wilson called Plan B: What do you do when God doesn’t show up the way you thought he would? If you get a chance I highly recommend reading it.

As I mentioned in my previous posts though you may feel like everyone around you is living their perfect Plan A – they’re not. Most people keep (what I like to call) their “facebook face” on in public. The reality is chances are they are not living that life behind closed doors. Everyone needs healing and God’s grace is just the medicine – you simply have to be willing to take it and accept it.

Many people (including myself) struggle with the thought of God existing and yet so does all of the pain and suffering in this world. Well, my dear friends without this pain and suffering then there would be no need for God and His amazing grace. “We” had our opportunity to live in the perfect world and paradise and unfortunately for us Adam and Eve decided our fate with one swift and thoughtless action.

I know there are people who will argue this point with me until they are blue in the face but I would like to tell those people to just give God’s grace a chance. Give your worries, concerns and frustrations up to God. I mean truly give them up to Him. I know; I can hear you now saying “But Kate how can I just give up my worries to someone that I can’t even see?”

To this question I would say two things. You can see God – one. You can see God when you look into a child’s eyes – the pure and innocent love they have and share with anyone and everyone (a true testament to what God’s grace is like). You can see Him when you watch the sun set or watch the sun rise which to me has always represented the washing away all the bad of yesterday giving us new hope and a chance to redeem ourselves.

Second - with the visuals of all these things (and more if you truly open your eyes and heart to see them) give it all up to God. I mean truly and honestly give everything up to Him. My husband asked me the other day “How often do you pray?” I told him – “All the time.” I am, in a way, constantly praying and giving my problems up to God. Most days I am praying to God simply by talking to him. Seriously. I am constantly thanking God for all the amazing gifts He has given us and I tell him about my current struggles and I tell him how I cannot control the results of my current frustration and I am giving it up to Him. It is truly amazing how much God will do in your life if you only give Him room to work in your life.

All too often we are under the illusion that we are in control of our lives. And when we feel like we are starting to lose control we start to pull the reins even harder and try to control things that we really have absolutely no control over. Running from this fact will only make things worse in our lives – often snowballing something small into major problems.  

A prime example of this would be me and my recent anger and constant worrying – about everything. I come from a long line of worriers so it has been engrained in me. So I worried - all the time, about everything. Well recently I have made a promise to myself and more importantly to God that I wasn’t going to worry anymore. This seems simple when written on paper but in reality it is quite hard. I probably pray and talk to God 95% of my day about giving me strength to not worry and let His will be done. Redirecting my desperation of control into submission has had a dramatic impact on my life (and those around me) for the better.

One of my favorite quotes from the book I am reading is this: “Your dreams may not be happening, and things aren’t turning out the way you expected, but that doesn’t mean your life is spinning out of control. It just means you’re not in control.”

This week we will be visiting Charlie’s grave for the first time since we buried him this past summer. It will be Cannon’s first time there and the first time I will be there not filled with anger. I pray that Sean can find peace in this visit also. And even though I know it is going to be full of pain I am giving it up to God to give us overwhelming peace when we get there and help us to see the bigger picture.

 I am also so thankful that God has brought people into our lives that are strong in their faith and give us the encouragement we need to continue to trust, embrace and share God’s amazing grace.

Until next time,

Kate

Struggling...

I just can't seem to find the right words tonight...my thoughts are all over the place. I have so much I want to share and I just don't know where to start. So instead I am going to take some time to collect.

Here is a video from the bible study we are doing in my Mom's in Faith group at church. This woman - Jennie Allen - is an awesome speaker. I don't know why but I could listen to her speak all day. I hope you take the time to watch it, yes it's a little long but worth it. :)

And finally some pictures of our little chunky monkey. He is so much fun now!!! :)

Love when he falls asleep right by Charlie - both my boys close to my heart. :)

Daddy workin' hard in the man-rage.

Last ride in the infant car seat..

people watching.

Chompin' on Char's favorite birdie...

mom...stop taking my picture! LOL

Charlie with God.

Sitting up so good!

He wants to be mobile so bad!

Love that face!:)