The shades of the past.

The view of past times is different for each.

The particular past one refers to is it's own shade in the mind of the visitor.

My particular adolescent past is not a lane I prefer to revisit. No one particular reason is sparked but rather a collection of pain.

Last night was my high school 10 year reunion. (has it really been that long?) High school was not something that I ever cared to revisit nor half the (mean) people.

A lot of things have happened in 10 years in my life.

I was in an abusive relationship - both mentally and physically, I experimented with things a lot of dumb teenagers do, I buried my mother and grandfather in a 6 month period, I wised up, found my soul mate, got married and had our beautiful children.

A typical timeline, one I picture being pretty normal.

Until....

I realized this life is so very fragile.

Our precious baby boy, Charlie, died...in a tragic accident.

This event in our lives has given me a new view on things.

I see how insignificant the materialistic things in this life are. Yes, I still enjoy doing and getting things....I am only human. However, there is and forever will always be a side of guilt served with that enjoyment.

I wish that I could share with those a tenth of the understanding I have in my brain...that is always there.

I hope that this pain never leaves my side or my heart. For the day it does is the day our son died in vein. It's the day that our son's death becomes just a floating memory occasionally revisited.

Charlie is in our day constantly and is talked about EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. and is on my mind and my heart EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND. of every day.

I am so happy that God chose to bless us with Charlie and give us the 14 months that he did. We ar better people today because of him. Even though we do feel cheated most times we know with all our hearts that Charlie has done something greater than we could ever imagine.

Charlie's story has touched so many and continues to through this blog. I was surpirsed how many people have lost children in ways that are unimaginable. I am glad that Charlie's story can give those people I have reached peace in knowing that God is with them and that it will be okay.

Charlie at the age Cannon is now. 9 months and 3 weeks. The week Charlie took his first steps.

 Cannon took 2 steps on his own yesterday.

We call it offical walking when he does 5 steps in a row on his own. :)

So much love to you chunka munka!

We are so thankful for pictures and videos so that we can share your beautiful memories with the world.