The power of prayer.

My faith journey in life has had so many ups and downs. Throughout my childhood religion was shoved down my throat and I was taught that as long as we did good things that we would be rewarded. Every time we did something bad it was okay because we went to church and confession and that erased all the bad that we just did.

I think the environment I was in for those delicate years between the ages of 5 and 11 really pushed me away from God and faith. I would witness things that no child should ever witness and heard people that I looked up to speak and act in ways that were flat out wrong.

Over the years proceeding those fragile and vulnerable years I reverted and began to hate God when things started to get rough in my life and I turned to things that weren't wholesome and righteous.

When my mother died from cancer in 2002 I was 17 years old.

I was angry.

I felt abandoned.

My mother was the kindest person I had ever met. She endured evil men and many hardships in her life that just don't seem fair. Yet she remained faithful and did the best she could.

I didn't make her life easy and for that I will never forgive myself.

It wasn't until 2005-2006 when I finally gave in, removed the negative and started working towards happiness again.

The moment I changed my attitude and views on life God began to show me signs that things were going to be okay.

He gave me Sean and a new beginning.

Even though my journey was far from complete (and I am sure still isn't) the path is paved with love and faith.

Though I will never in this life understand why He needed our child in Heaven more than we needed him here I have accepted that the reason was more noble and complex than I can understand. I know that I will see my baby again.

Throughout this journey I have learned how to pray too. Though I really don't think there is a right or wrong way to pray I feel that lately I have began praying in a new way.

I used to pray for specific things in this life. Peace, understanding, answers, signs, etc.

Now when I pray to the Heavenly Father my prayers consist of the following:

I pray for His will to be done and if His will is not what I for say want I pray for the strength to accept that and guidance.

Faith is a journey that is never ending and there are so many challenges.

Satan has his claws deep into so many people on this earth and the only way we can support those who really need us is to join in prayer for these people and to pray that His will be done.

Yes, I still fear that Plan C is going to kick in at any moment but, when I begin to feel this way I stop and I pray and I thank Him for each and every blessing that he has given us and for the promise He left us with of eternal happiness.

I read a book called Choosing to SEE (thank you Annie!) after Charlie passed away. I can't even begin to tell you how powerful this book is. It is written by Mary Beth Chapman (wife of Steven Curtis Chapman) and it is about the loss of the child who was hit by a car. A car that was driven by their son. Talk about a challenge and question. This is an amazing family and so strong in their faith. They chose to SEE and I am too.

I do not choose to be blind and pretend that this life is it.

I have faith even in my weak moments because I have prayer.

Have a fabulous weekend my friends and please, choose to SEE.