I absolutely love the fact that my husband always has Monday's off. I also love the fact that my bible study group meets every Monday morning...during Cannon's morning nap. Coincidence? I think not! You see God has made some serious strides in my life lately and I can only pray that my attempts to put into words what its like to really know and feel His grace wrapped all around you translates to my readers the way He wants it to.
The past several months have been a journey for my family and I. We are learning from this journey. Learning about God and his unending love for us. Learning that tragedies in our world are sometimes celebrations in Heaven, even when we have a hard time understanding why or even seeing the bigger picture. Learning to embrace the journey of this life.
A situation like ours is not one that many people encounter so when I get the usual "is Cannon you only child?" question I proceed with caution not to shock but with full confidence and without missing a beat; "No, my oldest is Charlie" and sometimes it ends there but most times I get the "oh okay, how old is he?" and then I proceed to tell the short and edited version of his story.
It's interesting to see the different reactions from those who walk into this situation simply by making casual conversation. Many tear up, some freeze, but all are moved by Charlie's story to the point that I can tell each and every one of them go home with a new outlook on life and (those with children) hug their children a little tighter that night, and for what I hope and pray is each night following. It was very interesting though the other day when I was placed into those very shoes.
You see God has a way of giving us a reality check when things get into an auto pilot mode in our lives. I was at the Chevy dealership, of all places, having my routine oil change done and the guy in service who was checking me in began the monologue above. This time was different though. After I said my part he literally froze, glanced at a picture he had hanging next to his computer and I saw the tears welling up in his eyes. And as he locked his eyes in direct eye contact with mine, after what felt like an eternity he mustered up the courage to tell me that he and his wife lost their four month old baby girl in a very tragic and unexpected situation and was fast approaching the two year anniversary of her Heaven birthday.
I froze, literally. I hadn't ever been on this side of the conversation before and I immediately found myself with tears streaming down my face in the middle of this service garage with workers all around us - staring and wondering. We were both fighting back (what my husband would call) the cry-icaine.
As I was standing there I felt like I was just given a huge slap in the face wake up call from God. I had gotten into such a routine when I was approached with the question of Charlie that most times I didn't even have any emotion. It was like I was telling someone else's story. It was like I had gotten into a rut where I thought no one else had ever been or could ever understand. Boy was I wrong...
Later that week I was working on my bible study guide and I felt like there was so much weight just being lifted from me and that the walls I had been building around my heart we just crumbling. Weakened by the powerful words from a God who writes stories that last forever. I began digging through the bible desperately searching for what He wanted me to know. I got to the point where I was so overwhelmed that I had to take a step back and walk away for a few days. The thought that God is there and He is watching us and He will judge us one day is scary. After recouping for a few days I picked back up on my study guide. Ironically the next chapter in my guide was titled overwhelmed.
I hope and pray that anyone who is reading this will take a minute and pray to God to show you the path, the answer, the light, the way - whatever you want to call it, that He wants for you. Don't be embarrassed if you haven't ever prayed or if you think you don't know how or even if you feel like you have been out of touch with God for too long to start praying again. Trust me, you are always on His mind and He is always with you - it's just a matter of you allowing yourself to SEE the signs or allowing yourself to allow him to wrap his grace around you. For a few minutes forget about the troubles in your life, forget about everything - empty your mind and listen to your heart. Just talk to Him, in your mind, out loud, singing, yelling - however you feel comfortable. He will and always has been listening. He is just waiting for you to open yourself up to Him and get rid of all the filth that pollutes our minds - even if just for a moment.
We must give God room in our hearts to write our story and stop trying to be our own authors. Do you ever feel like your fighting a losing battle? Maybe it's because you are...
One of my all time favorite quotes comes from Jennie Allen's bible study STUCK (the one I am doing now):
How do we hear the voice of God? The clearest way is through Scripture. We have to know and understand God and His truth before we can interpret any mysterious leading from His Spirit. But if we know truth and we are willing to follow God no matter what we can pray for clarity and a clear feeling. God is rarely vague, though He is sometimes quiet.
Sometimes it is best to be quiet ourselves and just listen and pay attention for those signs that He gives us. We have all heard the old saying about two ears and one mouth......
The past several months have been a journey for my family and I. We are learning from this journey. Learning about God and his unending love for us. Learning that tragedies in our world are sometimes celebrations in Heaven, even when we have a hard time understanding why or even seeing the bigger picture. Learning to embrace the journey of this life.
A situation like ours is not one that many people encounter so when I get the usual "is Cannon you only child?" question I proceed with caution not to shock but with full confidence and without missing a beat; "No, my oldest is Charlie" and sometimes it ends there but most times I get the "oh okay, how old is he?" and then I proceed to tell the short and edited version of his story.
It's interesting to see the different reactions from those who walk into this situation simply by making casual conversation. Many tear up, some freeze, but all are moved by Charlie's story to the point that I can tell each and every one of them go home with a new outlook on life and (those with children) hug their children a little tighter that night, and for what I hope and pray is each night following. It was very interesting though the other day when I was placed into those very shoes.
You see God has a way of giving us a reality check when things get into an auto pilot mode in our lives. I was at the Chevy dealership, of all places, having my routine oil change done and the guy in service who was checking me in began the monologue above. This time was different though. After I said my part he literally froze, glanced at a picture he had hanging next to his computer and I saw the tears welling up in his eyes. And as he locked his eyes in direct eye contact with mine, after what felt like an eternity he mustered up the courage to tell me that he and his wife lost their four month old baby girl in a very tragic and unexpected situation and was fast approaching the two year anniversary of her Heaven birthday.
I froze, literally. I hadn't ever been on this side of the conversation before and I immediately found myself with tears streaming down my face in the middle of this service garage with workers all around us - staring and wondering. We were both fighting back (what my husband would call) the cry-icaine.
As I was standing there I felt like I was just given a huge slap in the face wake up call from God. I had gotten into such a routine when I was approached with the question of Charlie that most times I didn't even have any emotion. It was like I was telling someone else's story. It was like I had gotten into a rut where I thought no one else had ever been or could ever understand. Boy was I wrong...
Later that week I was working on my bible study guide and I felt like there was so much weight just being lifted from me and that the walls I had been building around my heart we just crumbling. Weakened by the powerful words from a God who writes stories that last forever. I began digging through the bible desperately searching for what He wanted me to know. I got to the point where I was so overwhelmed that I had to take a step back and walk away for a few days. The thought that God is there and He is watching us and He will judge us one day is scary. After recouping for a few days I picked back up on my study guide. Ironically the next chapter in my guide was titled overwhelmed.
I hope and pray that anyone who is reading this will take a minute and pray to God to show you the path, the answer, the light, the way - whatever you want to call it, that He wants for you. Don't be embarrassed if you haven't ever prayed or if you think you don't know how or even if you feel like you have been out of touch with God for too long to start praying again. Trust me, you are always on His mind and He is always with you - it's just a matter of you allowing yourself to SEE the signs or allowing yourself to allow him to wrap his grace around you. For a few minutes forget about the troubles in your life, forget about everything - empty your mind and listen to your heart. Just talk to Him, in your mind, out loud, singing, yelling - however you feel comfortable. He will and always has been listening. He is just waiting for you to open yourself up to Him and get rid of all the filth that pollutes our minds - even if just for a moment.
We must give God room in our hearts to write our story and stop trying to be our own authors. Do you ever feel like your fighting a losing battle? Maybe it's because you are...
One of my all time favorite quotes comes from Jennie Allen's bible study STUCK (the one I am doing now):
How do we hear the voice of God? The clearest way is through Scripture. We have to know and understand God and His truth before we can interpret any mysterious leading from His Spirit. But if we know truth and we are willing to follow God no matter what we can pray for clarity and a clear feeling. God is rarely vague, though He is sometimes quiet.
Sometimes it is best to be quiet ourselves and just listen and pay attention for those signs that He gives us. We have all heard the old saying about two ears and one mouth......
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