Days 1 & 2 of our new beginning....

As many of you know we are in the process of moving to the Minneapolis/St. Paul Minnesota area from Florida. This process has been one that we never want to forget but also cannot wait to move on from. So many wonderful things happened in Florida such as the births of our two amazing and beautiful baby boys. Even though Charlie is our literal angel now Cannon is our little angel too giving us the strength when we need it most. ;) We were blessed beyond our belief with our amazing friends and church members (who we consider family) the single most amazing doctor (who we also consider family) that really has helped us cope with the loss of Charlie in this life and who also delivered both boys. I will say this about Navy medicine; though I do not at all agree with many aspects of their practices and policies I will also hold the utmost respect for them because of our doctor. She taught me how to relax and how to (I think) be a good mom and always grounds me when I need it most. So thank you Doc and all our amazing friends in Florida! You all know who you are and we miss you all so much already :)

Okay, so on to the trip. It began with rain towards the end of loading the truck. As we got onto I10 and headed to our new journey all I could think was why is it raining? For those that don't know when Charlie passed it was storming like crazy and was very dark, cold, and windy (in June) and not typical in Florida. So my mind immediately went to 'something bad is going to happen, maybe we should pull over and leave a different day' and all the random thoughts I had bouncing around my crazy head while the tears were flowing and my emotions were high. Thank goodness Cannon was sleeping and didn't notice a thing. So at the first stop we of course talked about the trip and how it started out and I tell you what, I have one amazing and positive husband. When I asked him what his thoughts about the rain in the beginning how blew me away when he said "It made me smile, I felt like God and Charlie were washing away all the pain and all the sin from us as we were leaving this chapter of our lives and moving on. It was like he was saying it will be okay." This totally made sense to me when I thought about it because there was hardly anyone on the road with us and though I was tense driving I did notice there was something that just felt different around me. Nothing bad or good but indifferent. If that make sense... The even more strange thing was when we got into GA the rain cleared and only clouds were left.

Speaking of Georgia...that is a long state and Atlanta gave me a mini heart attack! We did not plan that one well at all! We ended up in Atlanta at 4pm....not the best time to be in that craziness. LOL Needless to say we made it through and we have worked our way up. We are in Bloomington, IL for the night and my boys are already sleeping (or should I say snoring) and I better hit the bed sine we are getting up early again to knock this last 8 hours out. :) I of course am worrying about the last part of the drive so say an extra prayer for us tonight/tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing Sean's side of the family when we get there! :) It will be so nice to be close to them. Especially since he hasn't lived by his family for over 15 years. Not to mention Cannon will get to actually see his cousins now! :)

Goodnight ya'll, until the next post.

6 months and the pain is still so strong.

All day today I have tried to ignore the fact that 6months ago I saw my baby for the last time. It is true time is healing but only to the point of functionality in this crazy thing we call life. I feel like I am on auto pilot these days...all the stress of everything is catching up, I think. Charlie, moving and fearing leaving his memories behind as I age and unwillingly move forward with each day. Cannon has been such an amazing ray of sunshine for us and we always give him 200% attention and love just like we did with Charlie. When alone though I feel so vulnerable and weak and broken. I domy best to remember the good times and think of all the changes in a positive way but it hurts and the struggle is always there. It's like the song by Chris August titled Battle says:

There’s a battle between good and evil
And it’s raging inside of me
There’s a struggle - it’s God and the devil
It’s Love against the Enemy

Whoa no
I’m not giving up now
Whoa

Life’s a fight of wrong and right
That’s tearing me apart
Oh but what the cross has done
Yeah the world will try to battle for my heart
But the war is already won

There’s a snake that’s hiding in the garden
There’s a beautiful apple tree
There is trouble on the horizon
But I’m claiming victory
Whoa
I’m not giving in now
Whoa

Life’s a fight of wrong and right
That’s tearing me apart
Oh but what the cross has done
Yeah the world will try to battle for my heart
But the war is already won

Whoa
I’m not giving up now
Whoa
I’m not giving in

Life’s a fight of wrong and right
That’s tearing me apart
Oh but what the cross has done
Yeah the world will try to battle for my heart
But the war is already won

I know I can overcome this battle I am in. I will not allow Satan to take over me and control my anger - I just won't. Sure I have my moments where I get comely enraged and just want to let it loose but, I quickly get back in check and sing these exact lyrics in my head to bring me back to what is important and to trust in God.


We do have some amazing things happening in our lives for the good. This will be our last Tuesday ever in this house in JAX and after reflecting a lot today during the final stages of packing Charlie's room I have decided this is all going to be okay and good in the end. We found a house in Minnesota and signed a lease last week. I sure do miss the north and the way of living there. I have discovered over the past 6 years that I may be a Texan by birth right but I am a northern girl at heart! Loving our new house there and we are so pumped to get there and settled into our new way of life.

Father time....

I would REALLY appreciate a pause button.....or better yet a rewind button.

So much has been going on around here and I have completely neglected my poor blog. :/ Well, sad to say it but it will continue to be neglected for another 3 weeks or so because we are moving to Minnesota in less than 2 weeks! AHH....so much to do. I feel overwhelmed just simply thinking about it. LOL

That will be my resolution this year.....that and to rise about the temptations of Satan and always allow God to prevail while maintaining a healthy 'fear' of God. I cannot wait to see my baby boy again one day!

Until we meet again my little angel, mommy, daddy and Cannon miss you so much and we will always talk about you every single day! *muah*