Happy Heaven Day, Charlie William.

We miss you dearly but we are so
proud of all the people your story has reached and the lives your story has saved, even if we will never truly know how many.


More from our trip in the coming days....when I find "spare" time. Lol

Teddy Bear Park.

There's this amazing park near our house. I think it's Cannon's favorite right now because of the trains in it. If only there were tractors....I really think he would cry with excitement. And even though he endured his FIRST park injury here (pummeled by a big kid) he still adores it.

























The view from the slides.










The one tractor-ish toy.


Post injury....his left eye area. He was watching the perpetrator. I will say though the kid did say sorry and tried to help him up. Thank goodness for decent parents that are still teaching kids good. :)







Still gave me his cheese face though.

I love the way he loves life.

Swelling heart and open eyes.

So many remembered our sweet baby yesterday. There are some tributes I will be sharing over the next few days. This one is from my mom's group in Florida that Charlie and I were a part of. The video link is at the bottom.

Dearest Kate,

Busy Moms and Tots have put together a tribute for your son, Charlie. Our original plans fell through with Tropical Storm Andrea coming through Jacksonville, so most of us were stuck inside today. Because of that, we decided on a different idea; we all lit a candle and wrote a special note and flooded our Facebook wall with love and light for Charlie and his family.

It was beautiful, the amount of emotion that went into each posting. New members and old members alike joined in to create such a peaceful memorial for him. They were pouring in as late as 11pm Thursday evening.

We miss your son and your family. May the love in these expressions go across the miles and bring a little warmth.

With my love,
Candice

Candice,

I am so thankful for this and the love y'all put into Charlie's memory!! I really cannot express to you how much it means to me! To us! What an amazing tribute. Each year I worry that no one will remember and each year I see that he has not only been remembered in such awesome ways but that he has reached people whom we have never met.

I'm so sad to not be in JAX anymore for many reasons but the friendships and unbreakable bond we will forever have is one of the top reasons!

THANK YOU from the depths of my heart and soul for taking so much time today to not only remember but show us your love for our sweet baby boy. I know he is shining down on you all.

Yesterday God was crying with us all and as the day progressed the skies cleared across the country and reminded us again of His promise.

Much love from us to y'all, always!

Kate


More posts on the wall for Charlie:

Jillian Parker Gishler So touched by all the photos, thoughts and prayers on the page today. Just lit a candle and said a prayer for this sweet boy and his family.

Jennifer Rice Morton I have been so moved by the out-pouring of love and compassion from Jacksonville moms for this little angel and his family! I saw a big rainbow in Jacksonville this evening around 8pm. I bet it was from him!

Brenda Powell Sorry, I really wanted to get it sent in....Our prayers are with his family tonight....Life is so short and no one understand that like his parents, God blessed them with an angel that is now helping watch over them from above.

Jennifer Rice Morton I hope Charlie's family knows what an inspiration they are to people who have never even met them. May it rain rainbows! God Bless and protect.


Kathryn O'Brien Skerry Obviously I never knew Charlie or his family but what a sad story and what an amazingly strong, inspiring family. It is lovely to see so many of you thinking of them today and my thoughts are with them too xxx

Anthony And-Rosa Romney
Sending prayers to this little Angels family. Xo

And Stacy Taylor dedicated a special blog post to your son, as well as released lanterns in his memory over the beach: http://www.wastingnothing.blogspot.com/2013/06/searching-for-light.html


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiu7X_MGY1o&feature=youtu.be

Two years.

2 years since we said goodbye.
2 years since we've looked into your eyes.
2 years since we've seen your sweet cheese face.
2 years since we learned your fate.
2 years since we've heard your precious laugh,
2 years since we've felt your soft, warm touch.
2 years since a movement was made in our home,
2 years since He called you home.
2 years since I vowed to live for you no matter the cost.
2 years and our hearts still skip a beat at the mention of your name or a glance at your pictures.

2 years of signs you've given us to hang on to.

2 years closer to seeing you again.






2 years and your siblings have never met you. But they know you, and always will!




Cannon William





Charlie Elizabeth

They carry not only your memories but each have part of your name to add to their legacy.

Two blissful months...

Two blissful months have come and gone and I have done so much better at slowing down and enjoying it. I actually find myself wanting her to slow down in her milestones...complete contrast to Cannon.

Speaking of Cannon, he is a boy of many faces. :)

We are getting about 7 hour stretches most nights and she is the most chill baby of our three and the darkest too! Her skin is always so flawless. I sure hope it stays that way for her sake...we all remember our teenage years. Her hair is lightening up more and more each day. Her eyebrows are so blonde you can barely see them, which is the same way Charlie William's were. I think she's going to be a blondie. :) She's eating 6 ounces every 4-5 hours most feedings as well.


Enjoy!!

But then I remember.

As I finished my homework for the night and started going through old messages from when Charlie died, like I regularly do, and I stopped because I just couldn't do it tonight.

We are listing our house we've been renting out in Florida for sale next month and it's really breaking my heart.

I know we've been gone for almost a year and a half but we poured so much love into that home. We became parents for the first time ever in that home. We had so many happy memories in that home.

We watched our baby grow and reach every milestone and amaze us even more than the last for 14 amazing months. How could we create someone so perfect?

Then there are the hard memories. The ones that make walking away easy.

Waking up for the first time after walking away from my baby's cold body in that hospital and seeing my friend sitting there watching over me while I had night terrors that were in fact real life.

Running to his room praying it was all a horrible nightmare and he would be there snuggled in his bed. Getting there and tearing through the door just to find that my nightmare was my reality. Clinging to his stuffed animals just so I could smell him again.

It's all so much sometimes.

So much that I can't even breath.

So much that I think I just can't go on carrying the guilt and pain that I have for our baby.

But then I remember. I remember the promise that God made to us when He sent His only son, our Savior.

The promise of eternal happiness.

The promise of no pain.

The promise of only good.

And then I let go of it all. After I have a good cry and some time in prayer with Him I feel so renewed and refocused on the importance of this life and the task at hand.

No matter what the battle we are each dealing with there is NOTHING in this world that can overcome the peace He gives us through the gift of grace that we each already have, free of judgement.

We just have to allow our hearts to lead us and let go of the logic.

God's power and love for us is something that can never be understood until we let go and allow His Spirit to pour over our souls.

The cycle.

I was beyond angry when people began moving on after Charlie died.

 

I would see their happy family pictures and hate them.

 

I would see or hear their stupid and ungratefulness about when their children did something to annoy them or that was bad and I would hate them even more because they took their alive children for granted.

 

I would get even angrier when I heard someone grieving over the loss of a pet.... thinking to myself "I buried my child and your talking about your cat that died?"

BUT then I slowly started to smile again myself and I very slowly began to realize that they didn't know any better. And they never would. Until the day (if it ever came) that they too buried their own flesh and blood.

It's not their fault that the worse loss they experienced was their cat.

 

Before Charlie died we had to put our dog down and I cried too. A lot.

You see our experiences in this life shape us and change the way we view the world.

 

I can talk until I am blue in the face but the people who hear me will never understand until they experience it themselves.

Sure, they sympathize and it's wonderful to hear encouragement and kind words when grieving but it will never replace the fact that until experienced they will never truly understand.

As parents of a child in Heaven this is something we have learned to accept and we do what we can to comfort those around us who suddenly experience a loss, no matter what the relation, and we pray constantly for all the grieving parents, families, and friends of those who have died too soon.

You see, I too, used to be blind to the loss of a child.

 

It is incomparable in every sense.

 

I feel tremendous guilt every time I think about how I could have hurt another mother (or person) with my selfish and careless words before Charlie died without even knowing the pain I was causing in that moment behind the strength of their front.

 

It breaks my heart.

Roaster Stick Storage Bag

 

 

I made this for a friend (hopefully she already got it in the mail, otherwise....surprise!) and followed the tutorial found here.

 

I didn't have a stencil though so I used my cricut and vinyl to make a template. Here are the pictures of how I did it.

 

 

Toddler Busy Board

 

This was such a fun and easy project! It is not only fun but helps develop fine motor skills.

 

I got my inspiration for it here. I wanted ours to look not so child-like (if that makes sense?) because it was going into the hallway by the kids rooms. This was so easy, really. All I did was stain a scrap piece of wood to match our trim in the house and then I attached the locks, outlet, and switches. For the outlets the hubs used the jigsaw to cut a hole so they would be recessed and flush.

 

Note: Make sure you use wood thick enough for the switches so it will hang flush on the wall.

 

Then I used some more of the left over trim we had lying around to make the edges nice. My original thought was to screw it to the wall on both outer sides and use the trim to cover the screws up. However, when we went to hang it the edges didn't line up with the studs in the wall. And since you definitely want this heavy piece attached to studs we centered it and hid the screws behind the pad lock and the window lock. :) Sneaky...I know.

 

IMPORTANT NOTE: I included an outlet on ours because our outlets have child safety locks built into them. If you do not have child safety locks built in I would strongly recommend NOT including an outlet on your busy board.

 

That was it....easy as pie. Took about 30 minutes from start to finish.

 

It is hanging adjacent from the Art Display Wall project that I did in the hallway by the kids bedrooms.

 

 

And yes, that is a University of Michigan football field hanging on Cannons wall. :)

 

 

The grass is always greener on the other side...

A half truth is a whole lie.

An empty vessel makes the most noise.

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

Before criticizing a man, walk a mile in his shoes.

Don't go between the tree and the bark.

There are two sides to every story, not just the one you heard.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

A golden bit does not make the horse any better.


Yes, these are all cliche phrases but in reality they share a wise word. We would all do well to take head. For engaging in any battle of unrighteousness is not worth the mess it creates. Sometimes it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. For resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die and actions will always speak louder than words and the truth will prevail.

Matthew 7:12
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets"